Patterns & Characteristics of Co-Dependency
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation.
Denial Patterns:
[x] I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
[x] I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
[ ] I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
[x] I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
[x] I label others with my negative traits.
[x] I can take care of myself without any help from others.
[x] I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
[ ] I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
[x] I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.
7 of 9 :/
Low Self Esteem Patterns:
[x] I have difficulty making decisions.
[x] I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
[x] I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
[x] I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
[x] I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
[x?] I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve.
{x] I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake.
[x?]I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good.
[x]I am unable to ask others to meet my needs or desires.
[x i can] I perceive myself as superior to others.
[x] I look to others to provide my sense of safety.
[ ]I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
[x?] I have trouble setting healthy priorities.
all but one, maybe some half scores.
Compliance Patterns:
[x- in the past] I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
[x] I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
[x] I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want.
[x] I am hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
[x- in a relationship] I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
[ ]I make decisions without regard to the consequences.
[?]I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.
Control Patterns:
[x] I believe most people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
[x] I attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
[x] I freely offer advice and direction to others without being asked.
[ ]I become resentful when others decline my help or reject my advice.
[ ]I lavish gifts and favors on those I want to influence.
[ ]I use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.
[ ]I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others.
[?]I demand that my needs be met by others.
[x] I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate.
[ ]I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others.
[x]I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
[x] I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
[x?] I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
[ ] I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.
Avoidance Patterns:
[x] I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me.
[x] I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
[x] I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance.
[x] I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships.
[x- relationships] I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
[x] I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery.
[xxxxxxxx] I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
[x] I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away.
[x- wow] I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself.
[x] I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
[ ] I withhold expressions of appreciation.
I don't even know how to respond to this.
My blog yesterday prompted me to look at a site explaining co-dependency. This little check list was there and the amount of things that I can recognize in myself is shocking. I don't know if I can totally see everything in the mirror but literally only a few things I don't think I do.
Of course, a man is a poor judge of his own case.
Now to determine if I am self diagnosing or if this is really a problem. Although, it seems clear that something needs to be done because there are some serious character flaws here. :(
Thoughts? Help? Links?
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation.
Denial Patterns:
[x] I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
[x] I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
[ ] I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
[x] I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
[x] I label others with my negative traits.
[x] I can take care of myself without any help from others.
[x] I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
[ ] I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
[x] I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.
7 of 9 :/
Low Self Esteem Patterns:
[x] I have difficulty making decisions.
[x] I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
[x] I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
[x] I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
[x] I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
[x?] I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve.
{x] I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake.
[x?]I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good.
[x]I am unable to ask others to meet my needs or desires.
[x i can] I perceive myself as superior to others.
[x] I look to others to provide my sense of safety.
[ ]I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
[x?] I have trouble setting healthy priorities.
all but one, maybe some half scores.
Compliance Patterns:
[x- in the past] I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
[x] I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
[x] I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want.
[x] I am hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
[x- in a relationship] I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
[ ]I make decisions without regard to the consequences.
[?]I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.
Control Patterns:
[x] I believe most people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
[x] I attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
[x] I freely offer advice and direction to others without being asked.
[ ]I become resentful when others decline my help or reject my advice.
[ ]I lavish gifts and favors on those I want to influence.
[ ]I use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.
[ ]I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others.
[?]I demand that my needs be met by others.
[x] I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate.
[ ]I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others.
[x]I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
[x] I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
[x?] I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
[ ] I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.
Avoidance Patterns:
[x] I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me.
[x] I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
[x] I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance.
[x] I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships.
[x- relationships] I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
[x] I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery.
[xxxxxxxx] I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
[x] I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away.
[x- wow] I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself.
[x] I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
[ ] I withhold expressions of appreciation.
I don't even know how to respond to this.
My blog yesterday prompted me to look at a site explaining co-dependency. This little check list was there and the amount of things that I can recognize in myself is shocking. I don't know if I can totally see everything in the mirror but literally only a few things I don't think I do.
Of course, a man is a poor judge of his own case.
Now to determine if I am self diagnosing or if this is really a problem. Although, it seems clear that something needs to be done because there are some serious character flaws here. :(
Thoughts? Help? Links?
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