Day 25 — Your day, in great detail

To be honest I was not going to leave this, and the following, days in my blogging challenge. However, I think that an analysis of what I do daily could be nice.

I am in the final days of completing my dissertation for my Masters. I still have yet to figure out a title so I have been writing out possible titles. This morning I spent my time on 3 trying to make sense of what to put on the top of my 50 page *cough* masterpiece *cough*.
'a discussion of the conceptual relationship of justice between Aristotle's Nicomachean ethics and Politics'
 'an exploration of the conceptual relationship of justice between Aristotle's Nicomachean ethics and Politics'
I still have yet to decide. Any feed back is always appreciated! Just make sure its before Friday this week! haha.

After slogging over titles I made coffee and played on FB for way too long. I usually spend an hour or so catching up on AZ people. The time difference is 8 hours so I pretty much wake up to their entire evening posted in my news feed. I felt stuck with my abstract for the dissertation so I decided to take an hour nap. After my nap I made a sandwich and got to work writing my abstract. Its a grand total of 266 words. Not sure why it was so difficult to write but there you have it. I sent it off to a friend to do some proof reading on it and then typed a few sentences into my conclusion. I got an email back from my professor about meeting tomorrow afternoon to cover what I have sent him of my dissertation. He will have written out a list of things to correct before I hand the beast in. I just hope he doesn't hate the thing. There is only so much I can humanely fix in the next day or so.
I had a thing at church today at 630pm. I decided that dinner wasn't going to happen so I just drank lots of water. I am not sure why I am embarrassed to let you know but I went to a workshop of sorts on dating. Not something that I would have considered going to before.
Because of my past with my parents doing marriage counselling I wasn't really introduced to anything new. Just reworded and from someone who isn't my mom. That is what left me in a pretty discouraged place. I like church people but I really am not one of them. I've been at the church quite often but most people don't know me. They do take time to come introduce themselves to me, sometimes a few weeks in a row.

I am going to try and write this out without being a total hypocrite.
My past involvement with skyway has apparently left me more damaged than anything. I literally am almost phobic when someone asks if I am involved with a group at the church. I don't have much in way of talent to offer other than youth group ministry. I also believe that someone should be a strong member of the church before they delve into a group. However, without being in a group you really do just waft along week to week. Being introduced and reintroduced to people who don't remember your face. That being said, I am terrible with names and don't remember anyone's name unless they add me on FB. So I go to church group things, smile at everyone, pretend to be busy on my phone instead of nosing into others conversations and quietly slip away. Most of my silence in groups comes from my new mission of being humble. I talk a lot about things that I don't always know. Church is one of those areas where I need to listen first, think, then talk. My stance has changed a lot in the last year on many church related things.
The river church is a very small version of skyway I think. Similar in mission, organization, and enthusiasm about God. It is small like I like and the congregation is very inviting initially. To be honest the issue is mine to deal with. I really have no idea how to have fun within church. Between me being judgemental about biblical perspectives and discomfort with those surrounding me, I have a difficulty connecting with others. Most of it is in my head. Feeling judged on what I am wearing, who am I sitting with, what bible I do or don't have, and what I do and don't laugh at; I end up extraordinarily awkward.

Tonight I sit by myself in my flat with a pint of Magners contemplating what to do with my awkward self.

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